


Love

by abnormalphangirl



Series: he taught me [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, High School, Lowercase, M/M, One Shot, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 02:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17758331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abnormalphangirl/pseuds/abnormalphangirl
Summary: one taught me lovedan is just a normal depressed teen boy who just so happens to be utterly in love with happiness personifiedlittle does he know that happiness is in love with him too





	Love

**Author's Note:**

> part one of three
> 
> lowercase intended

some days were worse than others.

some days dan's legs just wouldn't work, he couldn't get out of bed in the morning, and as soon as he mustered up the energy to swing his legs over the edge of his short bed to touch the smooth carpet he was exhausted. 

some days dan's lung wouldn't fill, leaving him struggling to breathe as he kept his head down in the hall even though he knew it wasn't noticed by anyone because he wasn't normal.

some days dan's brain was empty. others it was buzzing so bad it hurt to be alive. 

every day was different but some were worse than others.

only one thing remained the same.

the aching in his chest. the loneliness that he felt. but no girl knew him and even if they did he was too sulky for them. they were all preppy and annoying and he was not at all. 

one day it changed and all of a sudden

some days were better than others.

his name was phil and he was probably actually the sun. his eyes were bright azure but after a few days, dan noticed the flecks of beautiful amber and pistachio. he smiled widely every chance he got and for some reason he chose dan. 

phil was rather popular at their school, he had quite the friend group. there were jocks, cheerleaders, band geeks, artists, robotics kids. they were all there. and they all accepted dan as one of them when phil introduced them.

one made the quip, "phil has taken quite a shining to you, he talks about you like he's falling in love." when phil had turned away, making redness find dan's cheeks for the first time in months. when phil turned back to dan, he has a feeling in his stomach that made him hurt.

but that was just the beginning.

phil had completely changed his life.

he had friends. he had a smile on his face again. he had everything he thought he needed.

but again, some days were worse than others and phil couldn't understand why sometimes dan didn't show up to school or refused to hang out after school. he just didn't get it. because he wasn't depressed.

he never felt his chest disappear into a sea of nothingness, his heart barely beating as his thoughts attacked his throat.

he never felt his stomach turn at he hungered for a meal but in turn refused to keep it down when he did eat.

he never felt that. because phil was different. he was lucky.

dan, however, found someone in the friend group, a girl named caroline, who was the same as him. they talked a bit everyday, almost like therapy. they'd talk about what the others wouldn't understand, they'd cry together if the tears would come out, and hell, sometimes they would find a secluded spot around school and just sleep. it was great. dan had finally found a girl like him. maybe he wasn't going to be alone. but the feeling in his stomach wasn't there.

sure, he liked caroline. and he liked that she was like him and could understand it. but he was searching for a feeling that wasn't there. he tried so hard to find it, most nights ending with him curled up in his closet, sobbing so hard his chest hurt in the morning. he couldn't find it.

"do you think that it's impossible to love someone until you love yourself?" dan questioned, caroline sitting right by his side, a cigarette in between her thin lips. she shrugged a bit, glancing up at dan as she took a slow drag.

"you talking about phil?" she asked right back, making dan's cheeks return to that red and he shook his head.

"no. why would I be talking about phil?"

"because he likes you. and it seems like you like him." caroline explained, tapping dan's red face with her free hand.

"no," dan shook his head. "-'m not gay." he mumbled, earning a small laugh from her.

"dan, you need to really get in touch with yourself. because you are totally gay. that's why I wanted to hang out with you. you weren't going to judge me for the fact that I'm gay." she quipped casually. 

that night dan was not crying.

in fact, a weight felt like it left his chest and he was finally free. 

he was gay.

he likes phil.

but something still wasn't right. 

because phil wasn't gay,

phil would never understand him,

phil couldn't, he wasn't like him. 

he wasn't sick. 

the next day was worse than others.

he didn't go to school, his eyes dried up from tears and his chest ached of sadness.

but at least he felt something. 

dan heard a knock on his door at about two in the afternoon, assuming it was his mother so he just grunted in response, something she was used to. 

"can I come in, dan?" he heard phil's voice on the other side of the door and he pulled the blanket over his head. the door slowly creaked open and phil sighed softly, shuffling to dan's bed. 

"what's wrong, dan? are you not feeling well?"

"go back to school, phil." dan mumbled, keeping the duvet over him.

"not while you aren't there. you're worrying me with how much you are missing school."

dan stayed silent.

"why are you missing school so much?" phil asked, resting his hand on dan's leg. dan tensed under phil's touch but relaxed after a minute.

"you wouldn't understand."

"maybe I will."

"you can't," dan huffed as he sat up, bringing his knees to his chest as he stared at phil, his breath catching in his throat again. god, why was this always happening. "you can't understand because you're too... happy." 

"happy?"

"yes, phil. you don't get that I can't get out of bed today. you don't get the emptiness I feel." he cried, his previously dried eyes suddenly wet again. "you can't understand me because you aren't sick inside." 

phil froze, staring at dan with sad eyes, open his mouth to speak after a minute. 

"you're right. I don't understand. but sometimes you need someone who doesn't understand to help you get through it." 

"help me?"

"you'll need someone by your side, right?" phil inquired. when dan didn't respond, he continued.  "you need help. and you need... me. well, at least, I need you." 

"I do..." dan mumbled, "I need you"

"then we'll be there for each other."

and they were.

phil urged dan towards a therapist, meds, anything.

and of course dan went. 

his days were getting better.

he went to school more often, his chest didn't hurt, and he could finally think.

as dan went to school one day, he was met by caroline by the doors, immediately perplexed.

usually it was phil.

"is phil not here?" he asked.

"he's here. I just wanted to walk you to class today." she answered, smiling slightly. dan just sighed, disappointed that phil wasn't by his side. the two walked silently through the nearly empty walls, something dan thought was weird. that was until he came to the end of the main hall, turning down the hall where his locker was, his breath catching in his throat.

his chest hurt again.

because standing next to his locker was phil. in a suit.

in one hand was a bouquet of black roses, a single red one in the middle. in the other was a sign, 

it was simple, black poster board with gold glitter. just a few letters written in phil's sloppy handwriting

_prom?_

tears came to dan's eyes as he stood frozen at the end of the hall, staring at phil in amazement. 

for once, the tears were happy.

because he was happy. 

he was in love.


End file.
